Grumpy Grandpa: Hockey Fights

Here is the second edition of my "Grumpy Grandpa" series:

Today's offender: Ice Hockey Fights

In my mind, there are two types legitimate athletic competition: those featuring the athletic prowess of their players, and those centered around fighting between its participants. Examples of the former include basketball, baseball, cricket, and football (soccer). Examples of the latter include boxing, Greco-Roman wrestling, martial arts and Pokemon battles. American football is a hybrid of the two.

Ice hockey is bullshit. Did you know that in ice hockey, players are permitted to throw punches, and the referees don't interfere! According to Wikipedia, "Although a definite source of criticism, it is a considerable draw for the sport, and some fans attend games primarily to see fights. Fighting is usually performed by one or more enforcers, or 'goons' — players who are typically better at fighting than hockey — on a given team and is governed by a complex system of unwritten rules that players, coaches, officials, and the media refer to as 'the code.' Some fights are spontaneous, while others are premeditated by the participants. While officials tolerate fighting during hockey games, they impose a variety of penalties on players who engage in fights."

And before you criticize me for citing Wikipedia, realize that you also use Wikipedia to verify/check everyday things. I'm just ready to admit it. I would qualify ice hockey as a sport/non-sport: it's almost justified as a sport, but the fighting thing detracts from it. Other sport/non-sports include NASCAR, golf, poker and WWE. You know what happens when there's a fight in a basketball game? Players get suspended. You know what happens when there's a hockey fight? Nothing.

Grumpy Grandpa: Folk Musicians

On many occasions, I've been referred to as a "Grumpy Grandpa." To be sure, I don't disagree with the sentiment. I don't much care for today's youth, their interests, or their behavior. Generally speaking, the way they conduct themselves in public and they way they interact with their elders and their colleagues is appalling. But it's not just the youth that I can't stand. Since I can't keep up with all of the things that annoy me on a regular basis, perhaps it's best that I write them down.

Today's offender: Folk Musicians

I despise folk musicians. From a societal standpoint, they bring together a collection of smelly, shower-depraved, haircut-deficient, inebriated and greasy individuals who still believe it's the 1960's. From a musical standpoint, some of them are decent lyricists but most of them are boring and mediocre singers. Their songs put you sleep, and make you wish you were alive in the 1960s so you could counter-protest their protests. Listen to Bob Dylan or Joni Mitchell or James Taylor. Awful. Just awful. I get that what they were doing was considered "cool" or "accepted" or "not terrible" in their time, but it's the second decade of the new millennium, and it's time to end our fascination with these hippie enablers.

I've seen Bob Dylan's song "Masters of War" performed three different times within the span of one calendar year. I saw Dylan himself perform it in early May 2006 ( front row, center), Pearl Jam perform it in late May 2006, and The Roots perform it in May 2007. Bob Dylan was the worst. Not just the worst at performing HIS OWN SONG, but also the worst concert I've ever attended. He is a hack. If you get an opportunity to see him in concert, don't. You know what's a better use of your time and money? Everything.

I don't dislike Bob Dylan because I think he wrote a bad song; on the contrary, I think he wrote a very good song. I just think he's a terrible performer who is given a lot more credit than he deserves in large part because he was one of the first mainstream folk musicians in his younger days. The folk musician movement from the 1960s should have gone the same route as the boy band movement from the 1990s - faded into obscurity after the intended audience grew out of their fascination with it. The Backstreet Boys still tour. Know anyone who would go to see them in concert today? You do? And do you want to be like them? Didn't think so. Good riddance.